What the Fuck, Cosmo?

2012-02-25

These are just 1950s-style masturbation hints, right?

2012-02-24

I rage-watch a lot of terrible sitcoms, and I can tell you right now that men always figure this one out. You’d better just burn his whole wardrobe so he doesn’t suspect anything.

This tops a list of advice Cosmo doesn’t think you should follow, and I legitimately don’t understand what they’re saying here. I should go to bed angry because then I’ll express my anger in a more morning-appropriate way? Someone decode this for me.

2012-02-22

Taylor Swift wouldn’t have to make that decision because she’s a millionaire with her dream job, and you’re stuck in cubicle, watching all hope of having a remarkable life slowly slip away from you, partially because life is unfair, but mostly because the vast majority of people just aren’t talented, motivated, or lucky enough to lead an extraordinary life.

And that’s fine, but it won’t put Manolo Blahnik money on the table.

2012-02-21

And instead of those ear piercings, why don’t you try some piercing, blue eyeshadow? Waaay less scary!

2012-02-20

Not getting enough sleep makes me feel sleepy? I hope they explain this more thoroughly in the full article because this just does not sound right.

2012-02-19

I’ve been watching Whitney as an appetite suppressant. Am I doing it wrong?

2012-02-18

Every gender-specific sex cover story from January–March 2012.

Confirming what scientists have said for years: the female orgasm is easily achieved if you’re not some frigid bitch, but you better have a whole grab bag of tricks for your fella or he’ll leave you for that slut, Tracy, who always uses too much boob when she hugs.

2011-11-16

Is Cosmo really trying to convince us that there was an anti-sweater movement up until now?

2011-11-15

Mindy Kaling is a very funny lady, but I do not want to make out with her book.