What the Fuck, Cosmo?

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• 2012-09-16

  

  Why does he want you to do this? Because he thinks it’ll be hot, and he’s right.

  What should you do? Touch yourself.

  Jesus Christ, do I need to write a remedial sex ed curriculum for these ladies?

• 2012-09-15

  

  “Will you go down on me?”

• 2012-09-14

  

  “Do you want my phone number?”

• 2012-09-13

  

  If you’re reading Cosmo and you’re not a 27 year-old woman distracting herself from her crippling loneliness by making fun of women who actually attract men from time to time, your ego is plenty big enough.

• 2012-09-12

  

  The kind that is sex?

• 2012-09-11

  

  No, you just need to get new friends who also believe in buying people’s affection.

• 2012-09-10

  

  Why doesn’t the guy in the background wearing shorts and flip-flops bother you? Oh, because you made up that part about it being 30 degrees out because Jersey Shore Barbie got the copy of What’s Your Number? that you were going to rent from the Redbox?

• 2012-09-09

  

  As the author of roughly 9,000 unanswered, flirtatious texts to male friends, I’m fairly certain you can’t just unilaterally level up to a relationship.

• 2012-09-08

  

  This magazine picks on Coco so much, I’m pretty sure Ice-T is its ex-boyfriend.

• 2012-09-07

  

  Also, no one will respect you as a person, but I’m guessing you don’t care about that.